tangerinePEEL [v2.4]

What a way, what a way.

2012-01-04T02:27:00.007+09:00

Did you hear about the magnitude 6.8 Earthquake in Japan on 1st January?

But Alhamdulillah it didn't trigger any tsunamis, or further damage to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Plant though it was quite a scare. You see, the Tohoku Earthquake on 11/03/2011, it was of magnitude 7.2 on Richter scale, in Tokyo alone. My apartment building shook rather violently than usual, and part of me was contemplating fight-or-flight. Only after the shocks subsided did I realise that my muscles were definitely tensed the whole time.

Paranoid? Could be.

I did not want to relive me losing a whole lot of blood because of nosebleed. Never again. Can you actually imagine the massive blood pressure going to your brain, your heart beating fast, only to escalate the speed of blood dripping from your nose? Head throbbing, stinging pain behind your eyes, blood dripping silently onto the ceramic surface of the wash basin. Oh, wait. It wasn't dripping. More like flowing endlessly and I remember pressing my lips together because if I open my mouth it would get into my mouth and I was close to puking.

And... urgh. Sick, I tell ya. Sick. It felt like shit. I remember my right hand being stiff from resting over the wash basin for such a long time and my left palm looked like I had just murdered someone without mercy. And my friend whose house I've been hanging out at kept looking from behind me, anxious. He passed me a toilet paper roll but I ignored that, and not until he massaged my neck through my jacket that I actually calmed down and now I shall admit that I was close to tears.

I remember losing 4kilos plus from all the stress during last years' earthquake. In a span of one week. Not nice I tell you.

.....................The heck am I frapping about? Gosh. -_-;;

Anyways, *chirpy voice* on another note, I bought a new eraser! Huahaha!!
What did you think laa..
Yes. Presenting... my brand-new eraser. Muahaha!!

Aight. Moving on to the next post. Toodles, mi amigos. :)

Long time no see

2012-01-01T09:10:00.005+09:00

Tangerine: Happy New Year Everyone! *SFX: pon!

So new year strikes again and I am like, whaa? 2012 already? Like, really?

Whaaa?

Anyways, may you guys be blessed, as always.

And my NY resolutions are like last year: none. Cause yeaa I don't really believe there should be any cause yeaa ya know, them being redundant and stuff. Ha-ha. Yes, when we decide we must do something, then off we do what must be done. We simply do not have the luxury to mark such and such date to do such and such. JUST DO IT, lest ye shall be named my fellow procrastinators.. for I believe it's been established that yours truly is a magnificent one. Aha.

Aight. With that, adios, mi amigos.

must... keep... writing...

2011-12-19T17:20:00.002+09:00

thesis.

And major nosebleed ain't helping much.

#random things i like.love.want.

2011-10-30T03:55:00.006+09:00

★ Sweet old couples like my grandparents.
I so would want a marriage like theirs.
I pray that my parents will be like that, too.
Aging together. In love forever. (wah cheesy hoho)
Blessed.
Bliss.

Love.

Fillah.

Same old same old.

2011-10-30T01:51:00.001+09:00

I age one year older today at 1:18a.m..

And four years later, I am still the loser.
I still hate myself for not improving.
For not taking chances.

I know.
In Surah Al-Baqarah verse 286:
"Allah does not burden any soul with more than it can bear."[2:86]

Allah The Most Merciful, The Most Forgiving.

I try. I must keep trying.
So please never cease to guide me, La ilahaillallah, Rabbul 'arshil 'azim.

mr.B for Birmingham

2011-10-25T04:08:00.001+09:00

Just now my dear friend Mr.B who had just flown to Birmingham to pursue his masters degree, buzzed me. I'm on one of my nocturnal nights, see. So we chatted. And some of it went like;-

"i bangun pagi kan

letih gile bace korang nye tweets

sengih sorang2"

"I woke up in the morning, rite
and boy didn't you guys tweet a lot
makes me grin to myself"

You see, because there's the 8/9 hours time difference between him and us in Malaysia or Japan. And this dear friend had just spent his first month in the UK, like a lone ranger. Unlike those days when all of us young hoodlums in suits, one third of the batch in each flight, Tokyo bound, sent off by every single family member in KLIA, yadda3.. Oh man I feel old.

We went through thick and thin together in Malaysia, in Japan, we laughed, we cried, we fought, we made up, and now he's off alone fighting another battle in another land.

To you, Mr.B, may Allah's blessing be with you always. Ganbare. Be strong, and make us proud. We miss you always. :')

*you're damn right I cried. I am not that insensitive, see.*

This is never archaic.

2011-10-19T09:56:00.000+09:00

So I need to stick to what I do best, and excel at them.

But that sounds rather paranoiac.

And boring.

But then who the hell am I kidding, anyway?

I cannot let myself dwell in the nothingness that is the judgmental thoughts of others.

But damn, haven't I cared enough?

Talk about contradiction. Blimey.

Because living life to the fullest doesn't mean living a reckless life, but rather to live taking calculated risks.

Alright... that settles that.

......I should get back to work. Ciao.

Anal-retentive freak I am, sire.

2011-10-18T07:03:00.001+09:00

Please, please, please, use full stop. I am so anal about language I can hardly read your mail in one

go. I'm not ordering you, I am begging you. PLEASE.

Not only does ending your every sentences in ellipses make you sound indecisive, it makes me go

nuts. You wanna be on the receiving end of my wrath on this perfectly beautiful Tuesday morning?

too thin

2011-10-12T08:33:00.000+09:00

Not my body figure, no. Hoh.

But my soul.
My spirit.
I am spread too thin.
Want to do this, want to do that.
Sometimes I do this, sometimes I do that.
Nothing that really encapsulates and defines me.

Jack of all trades, master of none.
Opposite of the polymath.

enough

2011-10-08T15:12:00.000+09:00

Enough.

I hate being mediocre.
This wasn't how I imagined my life would be.
And the fact that it is all because of my own shortcomings,
makes me hate myself more.

I am such a failure.

I am still here.

2011-10-04T12:01:00.000+09:00

Trying to figure out what life is all about.
But I doubt anybody will ever be able to do it, no?
Figuring out the meaning of life, I mean.

But I have never really tried, haven't I?

The battle...

2011-09-29T16:56:00.000+09:00

continues.

BRING IT ON! Cause I'm in this, to win this.

It's all or nothing, baby. It's all or nothing.

say...

2011-09-05T13:02:00.000+09:00

WHAAAAAT???

*blows off dust and scrapes of debris*

I am slowly losing myself, man... le sigh.

to you

2011-07-10T00:43:00.001+09:00

Fuckers and bitches.

Fuck you.

Fuck you all.

So okay this woman, she lied straight to me fucking face.

And I don't deal with shit like that, alright?

Fuck her.

Yeah I know I'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow and feel horrible about this, but yeah, whatever.

do i need one?

2011-07-06T03:18:00.000+09:00

This is like, stupid.

And I cannot even bear to express my thought without feeling like crap.

Gosh. I just want to feel awesome.
And I am nowhere near that, am I?

CRAP.

No, not a crab. CRAP.

日本語ありあり

2011-06-22T15:41:00.000+09:00

昼に親友の張ちゃんにゼンちゃんからのメールが届いた。

「今日本を買おう。」って

一瞬、「え！日本を買う？どうゆうこと？」と半日ぐらい張ちゃんが不思議に思ってた。

夕方になると、

「何だ。今日、本を買うんだ。だから助詞使えってつってんだよ。（－＿－’’）」

という話だった。

やっぱり日本語大好き。：）

steep climb

2011-06-21T14:33:00.000+09:00

These days when I feel stumped doing work, I would google quotes and motivate myself so that I won't get lost in the vortex again.

And yesterday I found one that was brilliant enough to make me stop and think, despite its simplicity.

The only job where you start at the top, is digging a hole. - Anonymous -

And how it rings true in essentially everything that we do.

I'm only nearing 23, nevertheless I've always felt that I haven't accomplished enough. And feel like there's not much time left. And feels like I need to keep running.

感(kan); instincts

2011-06-10T18:02:00.000+09:00

So I am an October kid. Plus a Scorpion. I don't know whether I want to believe what they say about people born in October/Scorpions having strong instinct.

But I do believe I am of strong instinct, though. And as the japanese say it, 感が強い(kan ga tsuyoi).

and why do I bother to mention this?

Because recently it's been freakishly correct on occasions, especially when adrenaline's running high.

Like this afternoon, after I rushed to the train station, I was going for door number 1, and there's this woman in front of me. And in my head I went; I bet you're gonna go for door number 3, aren't you? And then instantly rebutted my own idea thinking that there's no way I know which door does this woman was heading to and if she really did go for door number 3 it's just a hell of a coincidence and I'm gonna think myself a freaking psychic.

And guess what happened.

She freaking went for door number 3.

Which makes me?

Yeah, a psychic, y'alls. LOL.

No, it was just a freak incident, I think.

But it didn't stop me from gaping(yeah my jaw dropped at my own correct thought) at myself throughout the journey to campus.

Hm. I think I've been watching too much Fringe. Can't wait for season 4! :D

opportunist, pt. 2

2011-06-07T11:37:00.000+09:00

Ok scratch what I ranted in the last post.
Thing is I was always looking for lame excuses.

There are lots of opportunities outside, if we open up our mind, aren't there?
So, self, be bold, and go for it.
No more wishy washy dilly dally tic tac toe excuses just to cover your own impotence.

Yes, I have to admit I am impotent in terms of making the most of chances bestowed upon me.

More like an effing procrastinator with the perfectionist paralysis, though. Le sigh.

opportunist

2011-06-07T10:48:00.000+09:00

Why am I always never an opportunist?
I always miss opportunities.
Damn!

So to tell you the truth I am always never lucky. Things just... you know... slip right out of my hand. I am sick and tired of this.

I want to be a grateful person. I do. I really do.
But gosh how do I do this without cursing everyone who seems to be standing in my way of doing things my way?

say it like me: Her-my-knee

2011-06-05T02:14:00.000+09:00

Bismillah. Hello peeps. How was your Saturday? Mine? Hm. Don't ask. But could've been better.

Say, how good is your English? Not your Manglish. Your English. Good? Moderate? But not poor I bet. Because if it is, you would not be here, wasting your precious time reading my random rants.

Okay, anyhoo, here;
Myth: I am very good in English.

Fact : I am not. I just read a lot during my childhood.

Thing is, ever since I was a small child I was always fascinated with books. This plus enormous encouragement from our father who urged us kids to read English storybooks during school holidays and make our own dictionary, eventually makes us big readers as adults.
Well, since I read a lot, I have huge vocabulary, but unfortunately being a rather introverted kid makes English speaking experiences limited. Some kids at school thought we were an English speaking household, though, which was really funny because we didn't.

Which brings us to: English pronunciation. (Yes, lovelies, it is not pronounciation.)

So I almost always could fathom the meaning of a word (English word being mostly onomatopoeic, anyway) but still, some words, because you don't really use them in your everyday conversations, you know the meaning but fuzzy about how does it really sound. And I'm sure that was the biggest problems of kids growing in rural regions in Malaysia. Well, for anyone who learns English, actually.

And the first word I couldn't pronounce was: doubt. It was in one of the Harry Potter books my sister bought me and it so happened that my sister, seeing me lying on the sofa, really engrossed with it and ignoring all her attempts to make me help her in the kitchen, she asked me to read the sentence out loud and I got stuck at that word: doubt. I remember getting up and sheepishly asked her how to say it and her answering ,"dout" with that fine British accent of hers. And ever since then, when pronunciation gets fuzzy when I read, I taught myself how to read the IPA symbols at the front of now th 20 year old Oxford Advanced Dictionary we have in our living room. The very one she bought when she was in boarding school in west coast of Malaysia.

And I became a stickler for correct pronunciation.

And in Malaysia it's almost phenomenal to see some of your friends who look like they come from middle class families(yours truly sometimes included) with a middle class lifestyle(though I am from working class) pronounces brand names as they go on about eating in franchised food restaurants, shopping in the haute couture retail outlets and so on and so forth. And have I told you I was a stickler for rules? Oh, yea I did. And I once debated with a friend about how we should pronounce Carrefour. It was between "kae-ruh-for" or "kah-for" but the correct one was the first one "kae-ruh-for" [ˈkærəˌfɔː] meaning "a crossroad or a plaza".

And then there's Nike, Peugeot, Porsche, and whatnots which were by my standard, are all the high-end lifestyles. Sometimes I play it safe by playing it dumb and then go with the flow once my acquaintance had his. Mostly I get them right, only because of lots of reading, not because I am the high-end consumer. Once my high-end Valentino wearing senior challenged me to pronounce Hermès and I was too late to answer because I was trying to remember how the [è] sound, and the only Hermes I know how to pronounce was the Greek god Hermes("hur-meez") . (Note: More or less, [é] is to "gay" as [è] is to "gas")

The perfectionist streak in me laughed at myself for days after that.
But in the end I gave it up as a bad sport(getting-brand-name-correct, I mean) but I still am a stickler for correct pronunciation for other uses.

Anyway... uh... what was I trying to say, again? (Dr. Bishop syndrome kicks in)

Anyway, in the end, the lesson is, apart from don't be a poseur, is that practice that makes perfect. Avoid cacoepy (bad/mistaken pronunciation) and if you are a perfectionist like me, the shame of it by watching English TV shows or movies. I would recommend memorizing the IPA chart, but then it's rather useless, seeing none of us walk around with a good old Oxford dictionary alongside our wallets.

But you urban high-end people should have at least an iPad, no? *lopsided smile*

And if you are the high-end people with the need to pronounce brand names right, I recommend this: http://www.youtube.com/user/pronunciationbook

Ah, I'm ranting again. LOLs

2011-06-04

2011-06-04T11:45:00.000+09:00

This is my nephew Noah or as we call him, Nunuh.

He loves broccoli and boiled egg.

Apart from Thomas & Friends, he watches Glee too, which makes him a legit Gleek.

And he calls(or sometimes slobber, rather LOL) me Auntie Nadiah.

And before he goes to bed he gives you a wet milky sloppy goodnight kiss through the banister. :D

♥ HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY NUNUH ♥

With big bear hugs and wet sloppy kisses,

Aunt Nadiah

fringed to the other universe

2011-06-02T04:22:00.000+09:00

Ooh so you see yesterday I was cooped up in house finishing my paperwork. One whole day at home with Doritos and Fringe to accompany me when I feel like throwing the screen out of the window because I kept missing calculations.

And then I headed downtown for drinks with fellow young chaps whose ripe young minds are used to dwell in that lab on 8th floor, just like I do. Like Lincoln said, "There's nothing like a cholera outbreak to bring two people together." although in my case I should replace cholera outbreak with mind-boggling mathematical issues. Ha-ha. Okay, not funny.

say hi to Lincoln, kids.

やるき茶屋八王子
Yaruki Chaya Hachiouji

The coaster that reads: Hai, yorokonde! (Yes, with pleasure!) that apparently displays their enthusiasm when the waitress responded with those very words when we called for order.

...aaaand that's what happens after downing of what I figure half a dozen glasses of liquor.

So tell me Lincoln, how do I get my upper-echelons to be mesmerized by my smile like I do yours and then while I'm at it, be the cool rugged computer genius with military boots on and a holster on my thigh?

Sigh. But sometimes to have lofty ideals like I always do means to rev the engine, full throttle.
So rock on, didie. Hell-yeah!!

p/s: What are the odds, when you google for Seth Gabel on the net, and the song you were listening, have the word Gable on air at the same moment? Wicked!!

this

2011-05-31T18:39:00.001+09:00

is what I've been waiting for.
Oh yes lately my favourite place includes the lab, the library, my kitchen and in front of the desktop. Tell me I'm being a social recluse and I won't deny it. (At least not for the time being lols)

#random

2011-05-30T12:03:00.000+09:00

I really shouldn't be blogging right now, should I?
But oh, I can't overwork my brain anyway, can I?
Well hello to the world of excessive caffeine usage, self.
And I haven't been doodling for such a long time, either.
So yeah, pretty self-explanatory, I guess.

mogo mogo

2011-05-30T06:07:00.000+09:00

...means "eat! eat!" in korean.
And despite this dish I made did not really have kimchi in it, once the picture came up my instant thought was exactly that. This was taken a few days before, though. Ah...kimchi...*drools*.

Simply nyums! ;)

Ok daa. I have to get out of house by 7:30 a.m. Lotsa things to do today. Oh bugger...
Well, let's just hope that it shall be another productive day. Toodles!

2011-05-29T20:04:00.000+09:00

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.

-Leonardo da Vinci

So I've heard that I'm not the nicest kid on the block. And you think that would shake me, how? Cause I've vowed that I would be better than myself over and over again that stating it seems almost redundant. Pointless, perhaps.

Go get yourself a chocolate fix, would you? Cause that's what I would do to save myself from... say... dementia?

2011-05-29T19:27:00.000+09:00

You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.

-Leonardo da Vinci

How true. Thus the ever more need to hold me tongue, no? *lopsided smile*

I shall hold me tongue

2011-05-25T23:31:00.000+09:00

because that's by far the best thing to do in any situation. Doesn't include facing a giant tarantula.

Ok scratch that.
It's by far the most mature thing to do in a conversation, especially when I'm angry and adrenaline running high.

Because I might hurt someone's feelings.

Because I might just make a fool of ourselves.

Because I might be coerced to tell a lie.

Because I might not want to hear what the other people have to say about what I said.

And in truth, I've been in every situation. I've hurt, I've lied, I've jestered, and I've in turn, be hurt by both spoken and unspoken words.

To think that I've never done good whenever I speak is an understatement. My words were always a string of venomous splinter tied together by pure egocentric insight. Yes, I am your poison tongue bereft of manner, but did it ever occur to you that what horrible person that I am to you, I do that to myself a hundredfold?

And to think about what more nasty words to say about the cliché of "you asked for my opinion but you disagree with everything I say so why bother asking in the first place?", is unnecessary. For deliberate lack of a better word, I'd just say fuck off.

But I'm trying, you see. I am blasé now for most times, see. So if you ask me what's "1+1?", I will not puff up and say "base ten- two, base two - ten", but I'll politely ask you " so what do YOU think is the answer?" and abide by even if you say it's three. Even if it does not mathematically apply except of course, when you refer to a mating couple.

So am I justified? Of course not. You have your skeletons in your closet too, no? *lopsided smile*

Savvy?

Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean, On Stranger Tides, 2011

rain rain go away

2011-05-25T16:08:00.000+09:00

Hello guys, girls, ghosts, and other respectable entities.

So here I am on a Wednesday, trying to determine the way my life should work. No papers full of statistics or mind-boggling programming to confund my brain at the moment, it's like a weekend! Hell yeah! Oh, yes, plus partly because until summer we don't have any free Saturday, maybe one or two, yeah, but I definitely can not say "Hey, I'm free this Saturday, wanna meet up and do whatever it is kids these days are doing on a Saturday?". NO, at least not until August finishes cause that's one of my most crucial time of the year.

Anyhoo, I went out with bff Le Capitan and a Thai girlfriend Hoong on Monday for dinner at Ōtoya(fun fact: the small line above the vowel to indicate long syllable, called macron, and in wikipedia they marked; not to be confused with macaron. macaron! heh..) and it was simply delicious. Don(bowl of rice) topped with katsuo(skipjack tuna), avocado, and some alfalfa sprouts. Eaten with generous dash of ginger soy sauce. I absolutely loved the whole combination, and surely will eat them again next time I'm in Ōtoya. And the complimentary tea saved us from the cold since it's been drizzling in Tokyo.

一本釣りカツオとアボガドの丼.
(Ippon-zuri katsuo to abokado no don).

Complimentary if I'm not mistaken, mugi-cha(roasted barley tea).

And on Tuesday, as I declared it my weekly outing with bff day, and we hung out at our usual spot in Tachikawa. Ah, we love Tachikawa. It's one of our favourite town. So... had scrumptious lunch, watched a movie with a charater named Captain Jack Sparrow in it, goofed around taking random pictures, did people watching, talked the random otaku talk only we could understand(currently we are obsessed with the TV taiga drama series Gou, and we talk to each other using the old Japanese language as depicted in the drama).

Us. Raining again on Tuesday.

Ah, and did I tell you we love Tachikawa? Oh yes I did already. Jeez I'm beginning to sound like Dr.Bishop. Ah but I like him. The oddity.

So we love Tachikawa because it's got the mix of uptown and downtown quality all in one place, if you know what you're searching for, that is. You want your high life haute couture outlets, rich spa and massages and satisfy your gourmet accustomed taste buds? There you can have it. Or if you're in working class like me, who is ~~always~~ sometimes prodigal with my money, you can wander just a bit off the centre and find good spendthrift stores and nice good food. And bookstores! Yes, both of us love bookstores (and libraries, for that matter) to death we can spend hours in there without buying anything. What do we do in it? Oh that's perhaps only for us bookworms and otakus to know, and for you to ponder. Heheh..

So till then, toodles! I've got to kill myself with work again tonight. Gaaaaahhh.....

Japanlog #1

2011-05-22T17:00:00.001+09:00

Ah, so I have this epiphany and decided to make use of this blog so that I don't just rant and ramble mundane stuffs that goes on and on like a poorly tended machine.

About Japan. Ah, I really love this country(perhaps even more since the 11.3.11 Tohoku Tsunami). But stating fondness to the high-tech metropolitan with people going about always in a hurry might not be everything about it.

On some days I just love the high life filled with exuberant spirits on the streets of Harajuku or at Shibuya scramble crossing. On the others, I'd prefer the low-key but somewhat exclusive quiet time with nature, with myself, some sweet glutinous treat, and a book. Just me and myself bonding, geddit?

Anyways. Sweet glutinous treat. Mark that, and I promise you'll be reading quite a few posts about me and Japanese confectionery(wagashi) in future. Not now, though. Now I have only got meself a pack of amegashi(hard candy) from a local supermarket.

So if you'll excuse me. I'll be off MMT-ing these:

This. Amegashi.

The packing says hanabatake, meaning flower bed.

~~*on nom nom*~~ *krukk krukk*

Till then. Jya!

steel strong

2011-05-22T12:58:00.000+09:00

No matter what, who, when, where, why, how shit happens,

DON'T YOU EVER, EVER FUCKING GIVE UP.

Just a mild self-motivator.
And do pardon my french.

If you ever lose your way

You don’t have to be afraid

Look inside to find a friend

Who’ll be with you ‘til the end
The Valli Girls - Always There in You

hope

2011-05-16T22:48:00.000+09:00

Hey..

There's this one person who is dear to me. And then there's this one girl who is dear to him. I've never met the girl, but I sure have heard lots of stories about her from him. She sounds like a nice girl. And he was sure we'd click right away once we meet. And I am always excited to talk about her with him. Oh how he's smitten with this girl..

But today I heard this pretty girl is diagnosed with leukemia. And how I heard this dear person cried over the phone, relaying the news to me. And I am so speechless, I felt I turned deaf when I tried processing the information, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of people around me going about their lunch break.

Ya Allah, please, give her the will to live, and give him hope. Because there's nothing that we can do apart from kneeling in front of You, and pray, for we are only your servant.

Please, please, please ya Allah. Please let the damn doctors be wrong. Please.

Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies
Andy Dufresne, Shawshank Redemption, 1994

kau ilhamku

2011-05-16T07:47:00.001+09:00

note: a speedy post, since I need to be off for work by 8.

SELAMAT HARI GURU * HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY

to them during my days in:
SK Kamil Satu
SMK Kamil(though only for a brief one month)
to my one and only tuition teacher Mr. Redzwani
MRSM-YT Dungun(closed down, what laa..)
-including police officers during police cadet days
MRSM Pasir Tumboh
MRSM Pengkalan Chepa

my taekwondo instructors
JAD Program lecturers
TUT

and of course, beloved Mom and Dad.

Terima Kasih. Thank You.

#random

2011-05-15T01:04:00.000+09:00

From Miss Tiger, my bff in school. She's Chinese, she's single, but oh, don't worry, she doesn't bite. :D

--------------------------------------

So one day a Chinese met an Englishman.

Chinaman: Oh, sorry.

Englishman: Oh, I'm sorry too.

Chinaman: Ah, I'm sorry three.

Englishman: What else are you sorry for?

Chinaman: Uh, oh, I'm sorry five...

so you get the flow. Now, laugh.

the Eagle

2011-05-10T13:13:00.000+09:00

Referring to the last post.

Oh this is soo not the new me. The new me does not care about mundane things like how mere mortals can hurt me with mere words and then leave me high and dry because I care too much and wanting to explain myself to people when I really don't have to.

Oh, no. This new me does not give a damn anymore.

But it sure left me up last night, thinking.

Thinking whether it's worth it, you know, not telling people off in the face like I did once upon a time. Whether I feel satisfied, not expressing, and unleashing my opinion in perhaps the most sardonical form of words I could think of. If keeping the boiling anger bubbling low in the pits of the stomach could do myself as much good as giving them a good punch in the face.

But still, patience is a virtue. So I just have to work hard on it, haven't I?

room 102

2011-05-10T00:45:00.000+09:00

As-salaam.

Kalau kau orang nak tahu, aku ni, organized but in a messy way. Don't get what I mean?

Hm. Well I for one don't like people arranging/touching my stuffs sesuka hati.
Even masa sekolah dulu, ada kawan pinjam telekung solat, lepastu lipat bukan macam aku lipat, jadi aku lipat balik. Kecik ati dia. (See, aku jahat tau dulu.)
Kalau masa kau pinjam buku aku, kau amik antara buku A dan buku B, bila kau habis baca kau kena pulangkan exactly kat situ jugak.
Buku teks Kimia aku, walau kat dalam dia macam hutan belukar aku conteng, aku balut elok2, jadi kat luar dia macam baru wa cakap lu. Tak caya tanya sepupu aku.
Thing is, aku semacam ada image kat dalam kepala of how things should be done my way.
Itu satu fakta bukan auta tentang aku.
Weird enough? Ye aku tahu.
Sebab aku kan 0% or 120%. Kalau aku dah start kemas tu, haa jagalah sampai spender tu aku susun canteeek, baeeek punyaa.

So katalah kau datang, bilik aku bersepah macam reban ayam, maknanya aku tak ada image dalam kepala otak aku lagilah tu.

Jadi aku maghi segho ghaa jugaklah bila ada yang tetiba terjah bilik aku tanpa waran, lepastu kata aku pengotor/pen-tak kemas/pe-ape-lagilah yang seangkatan.

Tapi kan, dah mulut manusia. Nak cabai pun mulut anak orang.

Macam aku bagus sangat je, kan? Hark ptuih at meself.

semangat membara

2011-05-09T05:00:00.000+09:00

Assalaam. Hello peeps. :D

Maka hari ini bermulalah kehidupan aku yang baru. Baru macam mana tu? Ala, baru macam kain baru la. Hahaha. Ok not funny.

So yeah hari ni aku bangun awal, solat Subuh, baca ma'thurat, makan kismis 21 biji didahului dengan selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad s.a.w.. Mintak-mintak lah kan semoga semua urusan hari ini berjalan dengan lancarnya. Amiin.

Er... actually aku takde apa-apa yang best sangat pun nak ditulis pagi ni(pagi beno nih, subuh pukul 3 lebih tadi). Tapi saperti yang kau semua tahu, semalam Hari Ibu kan. Lepas tu ramailah yang menunjukkan penghargaan mereka buat ibu-ibu mereka dengan buat ucapan, sajak, status update kat Facebook, Twitter, entri blog yang panjang-panjang berjela yang mengharukan, dan yang seangkatan dengannya. Nice to see, innit?

Ada yang penuh perasaan, ada yang biasa-biasa saja, dan ada yang pergi condemn pulak ala-ala I-don't-need-a-mother's-day-to-remind-me-to-say-thanks-to-me-Mom kinda thing, ada yang tak wish apa-apa langsung(including yours truly).. Takpe. Tu semua menunjukkan betapa kita semua sayang dengan mak kita, kan? We do things our own way, that's exclusive to our own selves tapi yang penting the thought that counts aite. Yang penting kita tahu cara nak senangkan hati mereka.

Oh, kenapa aku tak wish? Sebab aku kan dah jadi orang baru. Muahaha. Ok lame. Well partly true. Dulu kan aku jahat. Jahat ke? Hm jahat gak ah bagi aku. Lepas tu aku insaf. Since aku dah bertekad berubah menjadi orang yang lebih baik ni takde satu hari pun ah yang aku tak ingat dekat mak aku. Sampai well wishing on a Mother's Day seems like such a minor thing compared to perasaan aku yang hari-hari ingatkan Mak kat rumah sana.

Ikutkan hati naklah jugak kan beli bunga, beli kek, beli hadiah yang cencomel, bagi dekat Mak, peluk cium Mak, cakap Happy Mother's Day, pastu dengan siblings bawak Mak gi makan kat mana-mana ke kan. Akan tetapi kami tahu mak kami bukanlah saperti demikian. Bawak makan no hal la kot, tapi beliau mana layan event-event ni. Beliau stoic, aku ni menurun beliaulah ni...(kononnye aa hehehe).

Lagi satu daripada beli things with ruffles or any cencomel stuffs (beliau anti-renda, kecuali dekat sarung bantal), aku tahu beliau lagi layan pinggan mangkuk Noritake yang menurut beliau, bolehla pakai masa raya ke.. ada jamuan ke kan. Tak pun Magic Bullet, blender unggul yang beliau idam-idamkan itu (senang nak blend sambal katanya). Ooh imagine how many sambal unggul Mak or sambal kerabu mangga and ikan with that. Oooh nyums *drools*. Hehe...tunggu ye Mak. Nanti inshaAllah Kak Yah belikan untuk Mak ye?

Oh. Dah panjang.
Kesimpulannya, sayangi ibu kita. Ibu ade satu saja tahu. Bagi yang Islam, selalu lah tengok gambar ibu ayah. Dapat pahala. Buat screensaver gambar awek tak dapat pahala. Pasal doa untuk ibu ayah tu nak aku cakap jugak ke...da besar kan. Pandai-pandailah pagi-pagi buat macam sabda Nabi s.a.w., baca Al-Fathihah untuk ibu ayah kita. Murah rezeki kita nanti..

Sekian. Cheers! :)

banana for breakfast

2011-04-28T00:17:00.000+09:00

Heyya peeps! How're you doing? In the pink, I hope. :)
As for me I just had an awesome dinner! Loofah plainly boiled with bits of fish and black pepper, a piece of fried chicken with rice, and not forgetting the usual well-beloved Mom's sambal. Oh sedap nnonyé la bak kata kakak aku. Huahahaha!!

Anyway, despite the fact that it was awesome, not the point here today. Here goes:-

So in the afternoon, we(Mom, Dad and I) were on our way back home from Kota Bharu, and there's this one conversation that caught my attention. Amidst all the random conversation including the story about my little half-brother not wanting to go to college but work(cause apparently he's getting pretty good moolah's), another little brother's driving license test, the weather, the good cars on the road, the impolite driver my Dad shook his head at for dashing into our lane without warning, and yadda3, there's this particular conversation when Mom told Dad the current gossip she heard from grandma about a couple who had just got married recently, had already parted their own ways. It went on something like this:

Mom: ... AnonX denge AnonY tu... cerra doh denga kaba
Dad: Eh jolo ko?
Mom: Jolo la..
Dad: Awok denga mmano ni? Kkejut sayo tu.
Mom: Maso bekwoh di ghumoh AnonZ hari tu la... Mok hok ghoyak ko sayo.
Dad: Alooh la. Gitu dih.
Mom: Ho la. Mok ghoyak, "umh, tokdae bughok kulit pise". Sayo ingat ko Mok ghoyak doh ko awok.
Dad: Jolo doh tu..(and then falters into another topic midway)

Uh... yeah. It's in my native tongue so do pardon me for those who don't find budu that much finger-lickin' good. :P

So the term my grandma Mok said "tokdae bughok kulit pise" here literally translates into "the banana peel hasn't even rotten yet", of which, as Dad explained, a long long time ago, long before the wave of modernization hit Malay Archipelago, when there was a wedding the guests would wash down their festive feast with banana as their dessert, unlike now where we would usually have fresh sliced watermelon and jellies and whatnots. So if the banana peel thrown by "the guests hasn't even rotten yet", that means the marriage ended when it was still very green, meaning it was very brief.

And I marvelled at the fact that how there's still so much more to discover about Kelantanese Language! Wicked, innit? Now, now people, before you all hex me and say how me writing this in English deems very unpatriotic, let me tell you this: I was born, raised, and went to school in Kelantan(minus the two junior high school years in Terengganu but that's just the next-door state I don't think it counts) all my life before college, so I say that makes me as pure a Kelantanese as anyone else! Tah-dah! LOL. Nah, it's just the fact that whilst I'm a stickler for rigid rules in language usage, I do hope I can do something about this now on the verge of being extinct language.

(ps: But I can also speak fluent Terengganu dialect since Mom's a Terengganite. *wink2*)

Call me exaggerating but I am a very proud Kelantanese, thank you, and I worry about the future of my hometown dialect!! I'm only 23, and there's still a whole load of stuff I don't know about the ancient/pure Kelantanese Language! And what about the kids younger than I am? It's pandemic as it already is in Malaysia you know, with kids abusing the language in their text messages and all. And my hometown is not to be left out in this unhealthy syndrome.

Eurgh I sound like a bitter old spinster there. Harghfkptui! Tapi betul apa budak2 sekarang melampau kot, henpon sorang2 nak gedabak, canggih2 and they wear them with pride. Ceh! (padahal jeles. haha)

Ahh...so there goes the clock. Now I have to get my beauty sleep after I watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and wear my bedak sejuk. Noits!! XD

ps: Ever knew the taste of your own facial foam? Oh, nothing... It's just that I put them on my toothbrush today, and it tasted... not really nice, that's all. (Epic fail argh i wanna die argh argh.)

Expecto Patronum!

2011-04-26T05:53:00.000+09:00

Assalamualaykum.
(By the way aku pernah baca regarding how saying only 'salam' means you bid farewell to your partner, but then, I personally think it depends on yourself. Read more here.)

Oh. And hi y'alls. Didie's back, and up and about again.
Back from...? Back from the dead. Mwahaha.. Oh, yes you can laugh but oh yes, I do feel like I am back from the dead. Lots of things been happening around, and I am ever so sorry for being MIA, again. Things gone haywire whether we wanted it or not, and who can we blame other than our very own self, no? Yes, these past few months I daresay I might have changed drastically for the better.

Hm. Well I know I'm not much of a blogger(read: I don't have followers or loyal frequenter) yet I still cannot stray away from writing things, be it mundane or not. Ada one person who said my blog is boring(with a slight wince in her face sebab she takut me mengamuk macam gajah naik minyak LOL) because I write long passages, with very little or no picture at all. So then I changed tactic, main tukar-tukar colour, smileys yang pelbagai, and then I posted only the most happy, chirpy, mundane things a late teenager could be hyped about. And then suddenly my blog turned sour, gloomy and mostly wallowing in self-pity pit and then suddenly there's nothing at all. A major blank.

It's like I've dug myself a virtual hole, deeper and deeper yet into the vortex of nothingness. I've lost the passion and the point of this whole writing thing. And oh yes, I'm lame, in case you wonder why I fuss about a blog that seemed to have summed up about my life. Well while I'm lame, I maybe had that ardent fervour when I feel good about my writing.

So you see. This new phase/turnout, I think it might be a little bit more time before I can turn back into that happy-go-lucky-i-don't-give-a-care me again. Talk about change, ha! Can we fix it? Yes we can!! (Guess what cartoon, teehee!)

*daydreams a bit*

Oh, anyway. YES, ANYWAY,on a lighter note, I'm listening to MJ's This Is It album, on repeat! What more can be uplifting than to listen to a very positive song of your favourite artist, and the album is one of your best birthday presents, given by two of your bestfriends? :D

ps: If you're reading, I love you, Miss JJ and Miss Cucumber. Loads. :)
pps: Is hoping that Miss JJ had found a job she loves and that Miss Cucumber's interview went well. Can't wait to see you guys when I go down to KL!

I'm starting with the man in the mirror,
I'm asking him to change his ways,
And no message could have been any clearer,
If you wanna make the world a better place,
Take a look at yourself and then make a change,
Na na na, na na na, na na na na.

- Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror-

She.

2011-03-02T10:20:00.000+09:00

.
..
...
She is cool. Complacent. Somewhat poised.
She is warm. Congenial. Somewhat affable.
She is lovely. Graceful. Somewhat bewitching.
She is benign. Compassionate. Somewhat subtle.
She is stoic. Imperturbable. Somewhat placid.
She is fearless. Courageous. Somewhat valiant.
She is strong. Resilient. Somewhat effervescent.
She is flexible. Unprejudiced. Somewhat radical.

She spells me larger than life.

And wonderful thing is,she, is my mom.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

2011-01-29T00:03:00.000+09:00

in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

I am now back to square one.
Back to basic.