I want to create something.
Of importance.
Of significance.
Of presence.
Of existence.

I need to write again.
To tell.
To show.
To reflect.
To mutter.


It's all haphazard in the brain. Unorganized. In shambles. With no road I can pave in between the clutter.

Even my post today has no definite form.

It's all too easy.
It's all too complicated.

I don't want to just delete things.
I want to have memorable moments.
And be able to relive them.

Basking in the spontaneity.
Being reeled in the sea of emotions.

Have I really forgotten how to feel?

I don't even want to look back at all the sentences I've just jotted down.

I don't want to look back and dwell in mistakes.

I want to feel. I want to feel being alive.

And just be myself. But alive.

Not dead. Motionless. Passionless.

But a passionate me is a highly strung persona.
Of the highest high and the lowest low.

I just hate being a girl, actually. Such emotions. Pfft.

I will not be a perfectionist procrastinator grammar feminazi and scour the post again for mistakes only to find ones and redo it all again and again till I lose heart to post. 

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

It's been awhile. And while the rain is still pouring down outside, ergo forbidding me to walk the mere distance of 500 metres from office to the quarters that is my dwelling for the past half-year now, I chose to sit here and do naught but surfing the net, uploading pictures of well forgotten events in Facebook(as Chevy had kindly pointed out to me: "watpe amik gambar tapi tak uploaaaad!(why bother taking pictures if you don't upload it!)". And I must remind you of how marvelous a feeling it is when you have unlimited internet service, people. (read: free internet yeehaw!)

So I sat, and contemplated, and came to the decision to have a go again with random.
Because tangerinePEEL was, has been and may be will continue to be a blog with random things posted in it(let's forget the thrice overhaul yeah).

Wasn't much of a post, was it?

さてと

こわい。。こわい。

未知はこわい。

今

今したい
今楽しくやりたい
今何も考えずはしゃぎたい

でも

躊躇している理由はどうしても頭に思い浮かばない。

Musings on a Saturday afternoon.

I have been abandoning this page for the longest time. But deep inside there's the ever imminent need to keep writing but I somehow I couldn't bring myself to do so. I believe most people who ever write call it the writer's block.

But I don't. 

You see,　writers write for a purpose. Meeting deadlines, extrapolating minuscule political events, extending vivid imaginations to people all around and such but the most important point is to fulfill the purpose of the very being of a writer itself which is to inform. To tell. To share.

But I don't. Have anything solid or worthy to tell, I mean.

Therefore I am not experiencing writer's block.

I do, sometimes, have some far-fetched ideas that I think I should share. But unfortunately those imaginations have been hampered by me myself worrying over misconceptions and impressions. Thus I lost the momentum to create.

Have I become boring, my friend?